#6 Relationships, Emotions, & Healing

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast
Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing
Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

Episode #6 Ronnie Joy Krasner

“Relationships, Emotions, & Healing”

(00:00) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Hi, I’m Doreen Downing. And this is the Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast series. I have developed this podcast series for people who have, liked me, had problems with speaking up, finding their voice. sometimes it’s in early childhood that we feel like we aren’t given the opportunity to speak up. Maybe we were neglected. Maybe we were put down somehow early on in life, we didn’t really believe in ourselves so that’s why as we become adults, we find it more and more difficult to take a stand, speak up and actually share our gifts. And today I am inviting, my friend, Ronnie Joy Krasner, and I’ll say a few things about her. She’s a beautiful soul coach and she works with transformation. And let me introduce you to her. Ronnie Joy Krasner is a transformational coach, speaker, and author. Clients refer to Ronnie Joy as their go-to for dating relationships and life transitions. She uses her formal training and the trauma and the life challenges she has experienced to become the coach, healer, spiritual mentor and hospice volunteer that she is today.

Ronnie Joy developed practical tools to successfully call in her amazing second husband Jack. She provides coaching for all mid-life women on their emotional, physical, and spiritual life journeys to help them find what they never lost. Oh, this is wonderful to have you today Ronnie.

(02:05) Ronnie Joy:
I am so thrilled to be here Doreen, thank you for the invitation.

(02:08) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes, yes, yes. It’s an opportunity to look at ourselves more deeply because we had a situation in our lives where we felt like we couldn’t really express ourselves. That’s where I like to start is what is your understanding of, the sense that you didn’t have a voice?

(02:31) Ronnie Joy:
That’s a great question Doreen and as an adult, I could look back and see how it all occurred while it was happening. I didn’t realize that I was shy, depressed kid that I was, and didn’t have a voice. And it started at a really young age. I was really a very naturally curious child and my parents didn’t really want to answer my questions. There were a lot of arguments in my household. There were six of us in a very small house. And if I ever got into an argument with my parents, they really shut me down they didn’t want to hear what I had to say. They’d be yelling at me. I tried to open my mouth and explain or whatever it is I wanted to say and they wouldn’t hear of it.

I would march into our our bathroom and close the door. That was the only place to get privacy and look in the mirror and cry. And Doreen, I eventually looked in the mirror and said all the things that I wanted to say, but I couldn’t because they didn’t want to hear me. And that gave me an opportunity over time, because it lasted a long time to become very clear and concise with my message. I didn’t realize that at the time, but looking back, I know that’s the tools that helped me as an adult.

(03:59) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Wow. The actual sense that you weren’t seen, you weren’t heard, in fact, you were actually, your voice was suppressed, oppressed, right?

(04:13) Ronnie Joy:
Exactly.

(04:14) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Isn’t it amazing that we have resilience and that you found something like a reflector because early on that’s what parents are supposed to do, to mirror back to us, our specialness. The whole idea of we’re open our arms are up and we say, Hey, world here I am. And parents go, yay. That’s a developmental phase where we learn to feel that the world is safe and welcoming to us. And it feels like when parents don’t mirror and there is not that kind of beautiful embrace of our spirits, Ooh. Then we have to pull ourselves back in. Cause the only world we know then is, the one that is surrounding us and that’s usually early environments with parents.

(05:08) Ronnie Joy:
Exactly Doreen, and you stated that so beautifully.

(05:13) Dr. Doreen Downing:
And so with the shutting down where they’re saying, you don’t know what you’re saying, can be damaging. What are some of the things that they might’ve said to you?

(05:26) Ronnie Joy:
At the time when there was an argument? Or just in general?

(05:29) Dr. Doreen Downing:
In general or either one.

(05:33) Ronnie Joy:
Yeah, it, wasn’t very pretty, for a smart girl you’re really stupid. And if you think you’re so smart, you’re only book smart, things like that. They were very critical and I remember one time as a teenager really being upset with them and I swore and they honed in on the swearing and totally ignored my message of what I was trying to say. And so again, it’s just deflecting what I was saying and just focused on swearing and didn’t hear what I said. So that was the type of thing that was happening. and when I mentioned before a shy, depressed child, that was really the truth.

I believe that, not hearing or seeing or wanting to know what I had to say was a total reflection of that. as I grew older and I was in high school we moved to a new town and I started a new school and I had this oral book report to do, and I really practiced a lot for it. But when I got up in front of the class, I choked, I just stammered and couldn’t remember, and I was flustered. And when I looked at the kids that were looking at me, I saw pity in their eyes. I was mortified. So that’s one example of growing up. But then it continued into my young adult years.

(07:06) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes. I, understand that that moment is not like major trauma, but to a little brain that is starting to learn how the world is receiving her, to look out and feel like you failed or feel like you’ve not been able to stand up in a way that is positive for you. So you’re right. I think that those moments are damaging, and I’m really glad you’re sharing some of the details. I think listeners are relating to what you are saying. It’s like, oh yes. I’ve been told that I’m book-smart and that doesn’t amount to much. So I appreciate you pointing to some of those and also to that classroom. So many people have classroom experiences, right. Because that’s an audience, a classroom is an audience, plus you have an authority figure, usually a teacher.

(08:07) Ronnie Joy:
Right,

(08:10) Dr. Doreen Downing:
And so you’re, feeling embarrassed and ashamed because of the other kids. But the teacher, you know, it’s like, you didn’t please the teacher and you didn’t get the grade.

(08:19) Ronnie Joy:
Exactly. Right. And if I may share again, in my young adult years, I got married at a young age, my first marriage. And we were both working and I was sick. This happened on more than one occasion. And I’d say to my husband, would you please call in sick for me? And he’d say, well, honey, you have to do it. I mean, that’s how terrified I was at picking up a phone and making that phone call. And I did it. It was not comfortable, but I did it. And my goodness looking back at that Doreen what has transpired since I feel like, I feel like I’ve lived lifetimes within one lifetime. That’s what it feels like to me because I’m not that person anymore. But looking back, I can remember it well,

(09:09) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes, I remember having such fear that I wouldn’t go to a store and return something.

(09:16) Ronnie Joy:
Sure. I get it.

(09:20) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Sounds similar. Oh my gosh. Well this technique that you found, it feels like it could be useful for so many people to be able to look in the mirror. And often times it seems like what people do is look in the mirror and see the negative. And it sounds like somehow you saw something else.

(09:43) Ronnie Joy:
I think as an adult, I saw something else at the time. It was just frustration and anger and angst. What eventually did happen was I went into therapy. So God bless you Doreen and the therapist. And that really made a difference. I really worked hard on myself. My children were young and then I got, I think it was divine intervention. I was told by a couple of friends of a program that they took when they were in college called the Silva Method of mind development and stress control. And I took the program and, oh my goodness, I just loved it. And I had eventually worked with the director in Connecticut because that’s where I lived at the time. And over time because of the therapy and Silva method, tools and techniques, I found my voice in a way it’s like the flood gates were open.

I found my voice. I mean, people that I used to see in my past that would talk to me saw a new person, they were shocked how much I would talk. It was very freeing and very wonderful. I would say the blessing and the silver lining of my childhood was truly going to that mirror and, honing my message and being clear and concise because what transpired over time was for me to become a confident woman who had a clear message to give. And, oh my goodness I’m so grateful for that.

(11:24) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes. What I get Is that in the mirror you were telling the truth. You could not do that in the environment, of the parents, but you found a channel where there was truth and you saw it. It’s just amazing. I’ve never heard of this technique of, really facing yourself and facing the truth of yourself. And then later on, the Silva Method. I know therapy is about an inner journey and discovering and going through blocks, but with the Silva method, how did that help you most around finding your voice?

(12:12) Ronnie Joy:
I would say it’s the tools and techniques I use to this very day. And there’s one technique. If you have a challenge or you have a goal in mind it’s an envisioning technique. It’s a kind of being in a meditative state. I actually do it even in a non-meditative state, if I choose to. It’s considering the challenge or the problem or the goal that you have in mind and in your mind’s eye over on your right-hand side, we call it the mental screen, seeing what is the challenge what’s going on here. And then we put an X over it in our mind. And then on the left side of our mind, what we’re envisioning is what is the end result? What do we want to see?

I’ll tell you Doreen just like today, I envisioned that we would have a wonderful conversation. And, I wouldn’t say too many ums and I would be eloquent and get my point across and everything that I’ve wanted it to be. So it’s something like that. Seeing the end result in mind and not even knowing and trusting in God or universe or spirit, whatever one wants to call it, that, that process from getting from the challenge to the goal, it’s like turning it over to spirit and knowing that it’s going to take place and not having to figure out how it’s going to happen, just knowing that the end result will happen and does happen and is happening.

(13:39) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Oh, that’s so beautiful. And it goes along with the whole idea of what you focus on is what you create. You know, one of the, wisdoms that we all have come to know really.

(13:52) Ronnie Joy:
Sure like setting an intention.

(13:54) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes. And I like what you said is it’s not- you don’t have to break it down into goals. I mean, you might know, the first step, second step, third step, but to me, that’s a little too structured. I like this whole idea of visioning and trusting that, like you said, the intention, you will move yourself towards that because that’s where the energy is going.

(14:21) Ronnie Joy:
Exactly. And trusting that that end result will take place.

(14:26) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Right well, this is wonderful to hear early trauma and then how, even in the midst of trauma, you were able to find a way to speak, maybe not to the world or to the parents, but to yourself. And that’s what I really feel you did to the mirror. And then to take on this whole personal growth, which helped you tap into your own, beautiful spirit. And I get the feel that you really are aligned now with that and have a sense that your voice does matter.

(15:11) Ronnie Joy:
So much so Doreen that a number of years ago, I, chose to become a radio host for blog talk radio for about a year with a program called Right on Time Dating. And that helped me grow as well as you can imagine, kind of like what you do now and interviewing different guests and having all my questions ready and having conversations. And that really gave me a lot of confidence as well.

(15:44) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes. It’s a platform. It sounds like that you chose, and it’s a place where you had an audience and, and then you were, it sounds like you were pretty well prepared, but I think that also just engaging with people, interacting with them is I get that that’s one of your joys and that you must bring that to your coaching.

(16:08) Ronnie Joy:
For sure. Thank you for recognizing it. Yes. Yes. I certainly do. I love it. I love and it’s relationships that I really love.

(16:20) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Well, I’d like to hear a little bit more about your current, offerings and sounds like you are a soul coach. I’d like to hear a little more about what that means for you.

(16:36) Ronnie Joy:
Well, I became a certified Soul Coach and I’ve expanded my teachings to include the the spirit. I have one foot in the human realm and another foot in the spirit world. And I have practical tools, but I intertwine these tools with my spiritual beliefs. And to me, it brings me so much pleasure and it’s, for my clients as well. If that even makes sense.

(17:11) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Well, in a way, when you work with somebody, you have the sense of being in these two worlds. And so I suppose it, when you’re working with somebody, you feel like you tune into both. Is that it?

(17:28) Ronnie Joy:
That’s true. And even when I give assignments or give advice, coaching advice, oftentimes it’s, again, the practical tools I’ve learned in coaching and also tools that I’ve learned with soul coaching and my own beliefs, what talking about spirit or universe, or turning it over to God or spirit or universe, whatever one wants to call, our life force. Also I talk about raising our vibration and being a magnet. And to me, those are more spiritual terms than what you would hear in normal coaching.

(18:06) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yes. Well, you said something earlier that I’d like to ask about now about being young and looking at the mirror and finding your message and clarifying it. What now would you say is your message?

(18:22) Ronnie Joy:
Oh my message. Right now, if I had to just choose a message would be one of hope and trust, trusting that all as well, in spite of otherwise appearances in this world right now. We are exactly where we need to be and it’s a matter of feeling comfortable in one’s own skin. And if we’re not, then how do we get there? If we are having relationship issues with a family member or friend or co-worker, if things aren’t quite right, how do we get to that peaceful place? How do we communicate with that person so that they understand us? How can we be clear in our message and loving? I think that’s a big word there to be loving in our message. there was a time in my life that I wasn’t very loving. I was told that when I argued, I would hit below the belt. I had a lot of learning to do. And so again, lifetimes within this lifetime I’ve learned so much and I share it.

(19:35) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Yeah, it does seem like you are quite open and, loving. And I think that anybody who would come to be with you in terms of having you be their guide would feel like they’re seen. It seems like you find value in people very easily and that you, oh, I just realized that you become the mirror for people don’t you?

(20:00) Ronnie Joy:
I do. And I’ve been through pain and triumph and I can help someone else with their pain to get to the other side to be triumphant.

(20:11) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Wonderful. Well, that’s a good note to end on, but I want to make sure that if people are wanting to contact you, how do they do that?

(20:21) Ronnie Joy:
The best way right now is to email me at Ronniejoy@Ronniejoycoaching.com. And I’d love to hear from your listeners. And I actually have a free gift. If they choose to contact me, I have an audio of a recording of a message that I gave called a silver lining. And it’s about what to say and what not say to a loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer.

(20:53) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Oh, wow. Oh, so you gave a talk about what to say and what not to say to somebody. Are you saying to the person who’s been diagnosed with cancer?

(21:06) Ronnie Joy:
It would be helpful tips for if you have a loved one or someone in your life.

(21:11) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Okay.

(21:14) Ronnie Joy:
If you found out that, another person in your life has been diagnosed, these are really wonderful, valuable tips of again, what to say and what not to say. Sometimes people don’t even know what to say, and sometimes they may not realize it, but they say the wrong things. And it’s my take on it. It’s just my take on it. Having experienced cancer in my life and recognizing that when somebody said something to me and I think this is a good message for people to have different tips.

When I gave this talk, it was to a group of people and they were very grateful for it because it was something that sometimes people struggle with. They don’t even realize they’re struggling with it. And don’t even realize that they’re not saying something or I don’t want to even reach out to that person because I don’t know what to say. My feeling is that person in your life who has been diagnosed, wants to hear from you really does want to hear from you.

(22:19) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Wonderful. So that’s a great resource then to, but first of all, they need to contact you.

(22:30) Ronnie Joy:
Right the email is Ronniejoy@ronniejoycoaching.com.

(22:35) Dr. Doreen Downing:
So the website or the email. Wonderful.

(22:38) Ronnie Joy:
Right.

(22:41) Dr. Doreen Downing:
Okay. What a pleasure I’ve had. It feels like I really had the experience of having you be my mirror today and have us seeing each other in a really deep and meaningful way. Thank you.

(22:55) Ronnie Joy:
I So appreciate you Doreen I do, so much. And I so thank you for having me on today.

(23:01) Ronnie Joy:
Yes. Thank you.