#173 Unraveling the Layers to Remember Your Truth

Transcript of Interview

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast

Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing

Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

Episode #173 Robin Humphreys

“Unraveling the Layers to Remember Your Truth”

 

(00:00) Doreen Downing: Hi, this is Dr. Doreen Downing. I am the host of the Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast. Big breath for how many episodes I’ve done and how many people I’ve gotten to meet, interview, and present to you, my listeners, so that you can, especially if you feel like you’ve had a challenge finding and expressing your voice.

You get to learn from people who have had that challenge, probably that very same challenge, and who have traveled through their own personal journey and are here to share that journey and also share the success they now have based on the fact that they have a voice.

Today I’m interviewing Robin Humphreys. Hi, Robin.

(00:51) Robin Humphreys: Hi, Doreen. Thanks for having me.

(00:52) Doreen Downing: Yes. One thing I didn’t get is, where are you located?

(00:58) Robin Humphreys: I am in a little town called Americus, Georgia. It’s about three hours straight south of Atlanta.

(01:06) Doreen Downing: Oh. Well, there’s a lot to ask because you don’t have a southern accent. But we’ll get on with the point of my program, which is about you and your voice.

I’d like to read a bio that you submitted so people can get a good sense of who you are right away.

Robin Humphreys is the visionary founder and CEO of Phoenix Heart Rising—no, let me say that again—Phoenix Heart Healing, and I guess both are true. When you heal, you can rise.

Robin is a true catalyst for transformation, guiding individuals to experience radiant shifts by aligning the body, heart, mind, and spirit. Her holistic mastery weaves together energy healing, meditation, breathwork, and movement, helping her clients dissolve anxiety, depression, and overwhelm while nurturing a profound connection to themselves and the world around them.

Wow, Robin. That sounds exactly like what I’m doing here on this program—helping people do exactly what you’re talking about. I’m excited about our session today.

You’re also a trained international TEDx speaker, and your mission to transform lives has touched hearts across the globe. Your empowering presence inspires others to take a soulful leap on their journey homeward.

That’s the bio I was reading as best as I could, and as I was reading, I kept going, “Wow, wow, wow.” Someone else out there radiating from a place of spirit. Thank you for doing what you do.

(03:19) Robin Humphreys: Thank you, Doreen, and thank you for doing what you do. It’s wonderful when those of us on similar paths can really connect. It becomes a sort of exponential convergence potential—to reach people and send out the healing that is needed.

(03:42) Doreen Downing: As a psychologist, one of the things I learned early on was about the wounded healer. I would say that those of us who really go deep enough and do the healing in such a way that we have paths, we have answers, and we have our own life experience that makes us believe it’s possible—number one—but also have tools and can guide.

(04:13) Robin Humphreys: Yes.

(04:14) Doreen Downing: So you’re a guide, and hello there. I just feel like, “Yay you. Yay us.” Speaking of your own life experience, that’s partly what we do here. First, we say, well, you weren’t always the guide. Wait—I just caught myself. Maybe you were put in this world to be a guide.

(04:40) Robin Humphreys: True. I do believe that. And also, thanks to the guidance of many others along the way, I am here in this position today. I think that’s true for all of us. We are interdependent beings, and we all need to learn from the wisdom and experiences of those who have walked the path before us.

I went from being a young kid who was very expressive, curious, and playful—I wanted to be a singer when I grew up—to going through emotional abuse that caused me to shut myself down. Then, in public school, I was bullied and felt like an outsider. I became more and more self-contained and less expressive.

I would write and create art, and that’s really what saved my life, honestly, in high school. That’s a lot of what my TEDx talk is about—how art and creative expression saved me. I spent a long time feeling so self-conscious and so blocked in my throat that it felt like I had a lump there constantly.

I would get short of breath walking across a crosswalk because there were cars waiting for me. It was so terrifying to my nervous system. The brain, in those situations, kind of knows there isn’t an actual threat—nobody’s going to slam on the gas pedal and run me over—but there was so much ingrained in my nervous system, in my subconscious, that it took years and years to work through.

It’s been a gradual process, and a lot of it started with recognizing—excuse me, I’m talking about finding my voice and getting that little glitch out of the way—a lot of it started with seeing how challenging it was for me to communicate in my partnerships.

In the different relationships I was in when I was younger, I felt like there was no way I would ever be able to have ease and flow in communication with my partner. I felt so frustrated about that and certainly had relationships end because of those challenges.

Now, with my husband—we just had our 11th wedding anniversary—we are light-years ahead of where I ever thought I could get to. It’s really amazing. I don’t want to go on a monologue here; I can talk more about the different things that got me there, but I don’t want to go on too long without interacting with you if you have any questions or reflections.

(08:00) Doreen Downing: Oh, wow. You’ve just laid out a perfect scenario—and very quickly—for people to relate to around the early experiences of slowly, just by living the life you’re in, being shaped by the circumstances and influences that, as I’m using my hands here, feel like they kind of crunch you into a quiet state, where you’re more hidden from the world.

But what I also heard is that you were more connected with something inside of you—the creativity. And that’s the juicy part I think that kept you alive.

(08:43) Robin Humphreys: Absolutely. That was the voice I could continue to express with when it wasn’t coming out through my mouth.

(08:52) Doreen Downing: Yes, yes. Huge. And even though you said “mouth,” for those who are listening but not watching, what Robin just did was point to her throat. Right? It wasn’t coming out because it can’t come out around the mouth unless it can come up and out through our bodies. The throat is a place where we often lock it—lock our hearts, lock our creativity, lock our precious souls away.

(09:20) Robin Humphreys: Yes.

(09:21) Doreen Downing: Before we go too far into the beautiful life you have now, I want to go back and have you explain a little about family constellation. That’s part of the work that you do—what those dynamics were early on. Because in a way, they become imprints on our…

(09:49) Robin Humphreys: Absolutely. And I love that inquiry because you’re right—that’s foundational for most of us, what’s happening in our families when we’re young.

Where do I want to start? My mom—I have a twin sister—and my mom had us when she was 18, almost 19. My dad was a little bit older than her, but they were both pretty young. Early on, even during her pregnancy, he started to go in and out of the picture, not really able to step up into responsibility as a new dad.

She ended up being alone with us quite a lot, sometimes not even knowing when he might be back with the only car. She really had to figure out how to survive, how to fend for herself, and how to take care of us. From the stories I’ve heard, it sounds like it was incredibly difficult. She is absolutely the kind of person who perseveres. I consider her to be one of my role models.

Then she got together with my stepdad when I was one. They actually had their first date on my and my sister’s first birthday, so it’s an easy marker. They were together for ten years, and he was someone who really stepped in and stepped up in taking on a fatherly role, yet had a lot of his own unhealed things that didn’t lend themselves to being the kind of father figure I needed.

That’s really where the emotional abuse came in. My mom was often very quiet and in the background, in my memory, when he was being the disciplinarian of whatever was happening at the time. I think that really cast a shadow on me—seeing and experiencing her in such silence. She also endured quite a bit of abuse herself as a kid, so she already had her own patterns of shutting down in certain ways.

For her, initially, it was out of survival. She has since found her voice, which has been really inspiring to me.

It was observing and experiencing the communication between the two of them—and then between them and my biological dad—who later started stepping up and showing up in much more significant, consistent ways. But I was already a very sensitive kid, and being caught in what felt like an emotional whirlwind of everyone else’s stuff swirling around me, I often felt like I was somehow responsible for it.

At least, I believed I could do something—be a certain way—that would help to ease someone else’s stress and therefore make things feel safer for me. I think that’s something a lot of us experience. From the people I’ve worked with and spoken to—and I’m sure you’ve seen this too—that can deeply affect our voice and expression.

We try to fit the mold of what others expect of us, or change ourselves in some way to maintain safety. And safety is fundamental, right? It feels non-negotiable, even though it’s not ultimately what’s healthy or sustainable for us.

So the process becomes learning how to unravel and unwind all those layers once we finally realize later: “Wow. Look at what has happened to me as a result of what I’ve been through. Now, how do I want to take power back from those situations? How do I empower myself to actually utilize all my gifts and not stay shut down?” Easier said than done.

(14:46) Doreen Downing: It’s what you say—there comes a time when you realize, which we’ll get to in just a bit. But the “P” word, power, just struck me, because what you were talking about also was saying, I have some power in this situation.

Because look at how it’s happening, and I’ve caused it. Now how can I change it? But that isn’t really power. It’s out of reactivity and fear and survival. In a way, it’s us trying to find our strength to be in that chaotic environment you just talked about.

Well, great. Thank you. And then you moved out into school, because you said that stepfather was in your life for those first years. But then—did you talk about being bullied? Did I hear you say that?

(15:42) Robin Humphreys: Yes. Bullied, and really just felt like such a black sheep in middle school and high school. I was reading a lot of existential writing at the time and gaining these different perspectives on the world. I became disillusioned about social hierarchies and things like that—feeling like the cliques that happen in school were just, this is stupid, is how I felt at the time.

So I really had a hard time relating to people, and they had a hard time relating to me too. As all that was happening, I was getting further and further into deep depression—suicidal depression, really.

(16:36) Doreen Downing: Teenager.

(16:38) Robin Humphreys: Yes. And that’s why I say literally art and writing poetry saved my life. If I had not had those outlets, I probably wouldn’t be here.

(16:53) Doreen Downing: Well, I have to pause and take a big breath here—to have a sense of how severe the struggle was for you. And yet I’m also amazed that life gives you something like that creative spirit.

It feels like both—the trauma and the natural beauty inside of you—are lessons you’ve carried further into your life.

(17:36) Robin Humphreys: I couldn’t have said it better. Thank you. And I love your invitation. I feel like people listening or watching might also want to take a moment for a breath, just to release any resonant heaviness they might be feeling in hearing this story.

(18:05) Doreen Downing: Yes. And obviously, in some cases—hey folks out there, if you’re relating—what you just saw Robin and I do was pause and wrap our arms around that moment. Embrace the struggle that happened years and years ago. That’s partly what healing is about.

We go, “Oh,” or I did. I listened to Robin and went, “Oh.” It caught my breath, and I had to go to my heart. I even put my hand on my heart, naturally, and felt that moment.

So if you’re listening, and something like this is either current or part of your history—if there’s been deep depression—just take yourself and wrap your heart around it. This is part of what Robin’s work is about: heart healing.

Wrap your heart around yourself and your life moments.

Oh, I love that. Absolutely. So, journeying on—big breath going forward—let’s journey on. What comes next in your story?

(19:30) Robin Humphreys: Let’s see. High school—I got through that, just barely some days, but made it through the other side. Not too long after that, I ended up working in a small chiropractic clinic in the town where I grew up, in western Massachusetts. That’s the accent, just to circle back to when you said I don’t have a southern one—that’s why.

I worked at this chiropractic office while witnessing and experiencing it grow into a really great combination of holistic modalities. Early on there, I had a slip-and-fall injury outside the office on the sidewalk. It was a snowy, icy Massachusetts winter day. I was running out to my boss’s car to grab his wallet—which wasn’t unusual—but I slipped on ice under the snow and got a pretty bad back injury.

It resulted in about two years of chronic pain that was difficult to diagnose. I was an independent contractor at the time, so I didn’t have health insurance. I tried to talk to my boss about helping out, because I had to get X-rays, an MRI, and other tests. But he told me I needed to talk to the university whose property we were on, since he was renting the building from them. He wasn’t going to help at all.

Because of where I was at the time—still learning how to reclaim and use my voice—I just let it go, and I developed a lot of resentment around it. That’s probably part of the chronic pain I experienced. I went into debt with the hospital for all the diagnostic imaging and just paid it off slowly over time.

In retrospect, the me now would’ve done it differently for sure. But it was a great learning opportunity. To be able to reflect now and think, “Wow, I was really in a place where I was still so stuck, not able to advocate or speak up for myself.”

I worked at that office for about seven years. At the end, I spoke to my boss—and that was a pivotal moment for me in finding my voice. I already knew I was on my way out, going off to college—to art school in Boston—that I had been envisioning for years.

I spoke with him very plainly and candidly to advocate for the rest of the employees I was leaving behind: that they needed to be on official employee status, no more 1099s, and that people needed health insurance. He actually implemented various changes to get everything above board as a result of that.

I felt really proud of that as I walked out the door. The energy of that carried me into my art school experience, which was all about various forms of self-expression—not just creative, but sometimes with the voice, with the body, and beyond.

(23:37) Doreen Downing: Well, we’re traveling along your life.

(23:41) Robin Humphreys: We are, Doreen.

(23:42) Doreen Downing: I’m going to take a quick break before we come back and hear about when you woke up to this kind of life that you’ve now found yourself in and created, and also how you help others find the strength within to be more fully who they are.

We’ll be back in just one moment.

Hi, we’re back now with Robin Humphreys, who’s an amazing kind of healing person I’ve already shared a few moments with. If you go back and listen to what we’ve done so far, you’ll see—it’s not a technique, but a way of being with your own struggle. That’s important, and it’s heart-based.

So, we’re going further into Robin’s life and her finding her voice. What would you say then next, Robin—what about finding your voice and becoming more aware and more about who you are today, and how that connected?

(24:51) Robin Humphreys: Yeah. So I had just gone off to art school, and being surrounded by lots of curious, creative people was so fueling and inspiring. The environment was really supportive.

One thing I’ll say too about the chiropractic office where I worked before the break was that being exposed to the different healing modalities that were available there, and seeing how they all worked in combination, was part of my first introduction to the healing path. Patients would go from massage to chiropractic to Pilates, just as one example, and that was fascinating to me.

That was really just a little blink, because then I went off to art school and did all of that. I also met some amazing people. I have a lot of synchronicities that happen in my life, and there were friendship connections with people from Boston who also knew people I’d known in western Massachusetts.

These were dancers, singers, performers, fire jugglers, drummers—all these amazing ways of expressing yourself. I remember attending musical shows, festivals, and gatherings, and often feeling so self-conscious. It took me a long time to even step on the dance floor or think, “Can I sit down and try out this drum?” My hands were like, “I’ve got to do it,” and a big part of me was like, “Ooh…”

Being in that environment of people who felt so accepting, and who were, from my perspective, at varying levels of creative and expressive freedom, gave me this cushion of support. I felt like if I danced and felt really awkward, or if I tripped on myself and fell over, nobody would laugh. Someone would help me up and make sure I was okay. That never happened, but that’s what the brain does—to protect us.

I was coming out of that old, learned need to protect myself and my voice. That was really a big part of what catalyzed me to remove layers, and I’m still doing it. I wouldn’t say that I’m a hundred percent feeling totally clear and open in my expression. There are ways that I still sometimes feel self-conscious or hold certain things back, but it is few and far between these days. That’s for sure.

And that’s always an indication of, “That’s where the next threshold is.”

(30:30) Doreen Downing: Great point. The awareness you have helps you face the truth of where something might still be stuck for you.

What I heard was about the longing—the yearning, I think, was the word you used—and that’s so compelling. For those listening, if you feel that yearning, that’s a voice inside saying, “There’s more. Let me out. Let me out.”

That’s what you were saying—finding ways to let yourself out that are safe. I know Robin talked about safety when we first started. So, let’s come now to you and what you do, how people can find you, and what’s available for those who reach out.

(31:25) Robin Humphreys: Absolutely. This quote came to mind—it’s part of my TEDx talk, and it felt really important to include here: Whatever is in the way, is the way.

For me, that speaks to what I was just talking about—the layers to unravel. Wherever we feel stuck or held back, challenged, or stressed, all of those are signals and messages. From my perspective, they’re asking for our attention, our energy, our compassion.

That’s really what I support people in—awakening that awareness and having a guide to look at those places. Because it’s not always easy. It can be scary, painful, emotional.

This might sound a little extreme, but the process of dismantling the identity of who we think we are can be a really big task. And yet, from my perspective, it’s so important in order to become who we’re really meant to be—to express as our full and authentic selves.

That’s what I’m here for: to support people in unwinding whatever we built up out of necessity when we were smaller, and to discover who’s really in there. What do they have to say? How do they want and need to be? And then supporting that expansion.

(33:18) Doreen Downing: Beautiful. That goes right along with what this podcast is about. It’s not necessarily just about voice—it’s about where the voice is coming from.

What you described was a journey to find your inner self, your truth, and the strength of who you’re meant to be. To unravel all those layers of who you thought you were—or who you were told to be—and reach inner truth.

Thank you so much, Robin. How do people find you?

(33:54) Robin Humphreys: I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at Phoenix Heart Healing. You can also go to phoenixhearthealing.org.

If you’d like, I have a free PDF called Three Tips to Reduce Anxiety in Two Minutes. They’re simple, easy techniques to help you reconnect with yourself and your body when you start feeling intensity rising. You can print it, put it on your fridge, or keep a digital copy on your phone—something to help you return to calm whenever you need it.

(34:32) Doreen Downing: Great. We’ll have those in the show notes so people can grab them. I love the idea of having something that reminds you to come back—to come back to yourself. There’s a way to do that, and with practice and intention, we can be more present.

We can have a voice.

Thank you for sharing your voice today.

(35:01) Robin Humphreys: Thank you so much, Doreen.

(35:04) Doreen Downing: It resonates out because I know that I’m feeling touched by you—and even just the sound of your voice.

(35:18) Robin Humphreys: I hear that a lot.

(35:19) Doreen Downing: You too. There’s a way in which depth, inner depth, comes through the sound of someone whose words aren’t just words. It’s a vibration. And I feel touched by what you vibrated today.

(35:35) Robin Humphreys: Thank you. I love that reflection. Thank you.

(35:41) Doreen Downing: Thank you.