#137 Embracing Your Sensitivity as a Superpower

Transcript of Interview

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast

Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing

Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

Episode #137 Pascale Cook-Fernandes

“Embracing Your Sensitivity as a Superpower”

(00:00) Doreen Downing: Hi, this is Dr. Doreen Downing, and I am so excited to introduce you today to somebody who’s already, if you’re watching, you get to see her radiance, her joy, her smile, her heart. I’ve been touched by Pascale. Hello. 

(00:18) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Hi, Doreen. Thank you so much for having me here. Truly, this is my honor.

(00:23) Doreen Downing: Yes. Well, the show is about finding your voice and I invite guests who feel like at some point in their life, either early on or maybe when they started to enter the work world, there were difficulties in feeling like they could express themselves comfortably and powerfully. And here you are today having done your journey, or as we all say, we’re always learning.

But let me read the bio that I got for you, so people get a good sense right away of who you are nowadays. Pascale Cook-Fernandes has a multifaceted background aimed at empowering women to discover their clarity and potential. At the heart of her mission is the desire to support women coaches, healers, and speakers to turn their PhD in life into a thriving business. 

Pascale understands the importance of holistic well-being as she combines spiritual insight, coaching expertise, and practical business foundations to guide women toward profound transformations. 

I love that—profound transformations. I’m just going to say that again because I think that’s part of why you and I are meeting today. 

Owner and CEO at Women Finding Clarity, Pascal’s own PhD in life includes her coaching certification, Reiki master, podcast host, a degree in teaching, and her 23-year—she’s still counting, she says—marriage and mom to three amazing young adults.

On her podcast, Women Finding Clarity, Pascale hosts women who have used their own inspirational stories and life lessons to create a successful business. Her mission is, “Align, Elevate, and Thrive Together: One Conversation at a Time.” 

If I didn’t say anything else but that, that sense of aligning, bringing ourselves to a new level, elevate and thrive, and I love the together. I love the one conversation at a time. That nugget feels like, okay, folks, we learned what we needed today already. 

(02:53) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: You’re so sweet. It’s just so different to hear it in someone else’s voice. When I say it at the end of every podcast episode, it’s my voice and I know it. But to hear you say it, it covers me in chills.

(03:09) Doreen Downing: Oh, yes. I know exactly what you mean in the podcast I’ve been on. When I hear myself reflected back at me, I go, “Oh, yay.” When I was reading it too, it was just like, “Oh, good. I love that.” The phrases that you used and the way you described yourself. It’s really acknowledging. I didn’t know that you were a Reiki master and we can talk more about that later. 

I usually like to start with early life experience, just get a sense of, “Where did she grow up and what was the challenge immediately?” Because it seems like most of us do have some arrival story. If not immediately, then somewhere down the line, or it’s just the context.

Hello, this is a society and we’re young little ones, girls in this world, and we’re learning how to be expressed and confident. Anything you could say that goes back to give us a snapshot of your early life. 

(04:13) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Yes, absolutely. Thank you. I grew up in Maryland and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. My dad worked 2 jobs so she could stay home with us. That was something that was very important to them. That my mom was the one to raise us. But growing up in a certain generation—I’m a Gen X—as a whole, it seems that our generation was raised to not have a voice.

It was, “Do as I say.” It was, “Be seen and not heard.” “You don’t get an opinion here.” This is what we say and so for me, that really stifled my voice. I didn’t know that all along. It was just once I was older and I started to really dig into, “Do I have a voice? Why don’t I use my voice?” All of those things started to come to light. It’s like an onion. It’s layer by layer. You don’t just one day have it all figured out. 

(05:20) Doreen Downing: Yes, thank you for beginning the conversation like that. It seemed normal growing up in our society that our parents provide us with a home and we’ve got school, so everything lines up and you’re learning every day. You’re learning what it means to be human and what it means to be a female. How many children in your family? 

(05:48) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: So, there were four when I was growing up and it was one boy and three girls. I was the sensitive one. I was always told I was too sensitive. I was always told that I cried too much. It was to the point where my family would make fun and tease me because I was crying again. It was so hurtful and makes you so self-conscious. In my adult world and in my adult mind, I can look back and think they were trying to toughen me up, but now, I feel that my sensitivity is a superpower. I embrace it. 

(06:31) Doreen Downing: For people just listening to us, I just threw up my arms because I just said a huge “Yes.” That sense of superpower—our sensitivity—I relate so much to what you just said about being labeled as somebody who’s too sensitive.

I’m so glad you’re a force for those sensitive souls. What is that book? I forgot her name, but Quiet in a Noisy World. There’s a book about that. The power now, that I think we as women are saying, “I love my sensitivity because it makes me more alive.” Yes. I hope people are watching because this is fun to be with you—our gestures and— the conversation.

(07:15) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: It’s so fun. I’m such an expressive person. You would think I was Italian, but I’m not. 

(07:22) Doreen Downing: I am. Partly. 

(07:23) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: You are. There you go, so you get it. Part of that in growing up is I was also told I was too loud. I remember specifically as early as second grade, sleeping over at a friend’s house and her parents saying, “Shh, Pascal, don’t talk so loud.” Maybe it’s because there were four of us and then my parents each had five siblings and there were always a lot of people around, so maybe that’s why. 

What used to be a criticism, now I can speak up and I can speak out and I can use my voice for the greater good. Again, I embrace that as another superpower because I can use it when I need it. 

(08:10) Doreen Downing: Oh, it’s wonderful to have that range, to have the quiet soft, which I feel inside of you, being able to go deep and into the listening realm of open, but also to gather whatever is needed to speak in a way that has more force.

Well, I think quiet has a force too, of course, but I get what you’re saying—the degrees of expression that are strong, soft, all these variations on voice. 

You’re a good storyteller. More stories as you go through let’s say early adulthood or even high school. How did you find yourself? How do we begin questioning? Because like you said, looking back is when I started to have more perspective. 

(09:00) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Yes, sure. Growing up, our parents definitely encouraged us to try new things, play sports. My sister went to dance, all of that. I played softball.

I was in a bowling league. I think I was the worst one in the bowling league, but I didn’t care. It was fun. But then in high school, starting in elementary school, I learned an instrument. I played the flute in high school. I became decently well at it and I was in a marching band. I auditioned to be the drum major in marching band—the person that conducts the group out on the field.

I usually tried to be hidden from my peers and shrink down, so for me, that was a really big stretch to audition for that and then stand up on a box so everyone can see you. And yet it just felt so aligned, that I was supposed to be there, that it was worth the risk, and I just had to go and do it.

My parents were very supportive of that. My friends were supportive of it. I found it to be a beautiful experience of what can happen when you really stretch and put yourself out there. 

(10:12) Doreen Downing: Yes. That reminds me of my own high school days where I was head of all the cheerleaders and pom pom girls. It was an elected position—school spirit commissioner.

I looked back and I said, “When did my fear really start?” I think it set in more as I went off to Berkeley and found arenas where there were more people smarter, it felt like, and I just got scared and I can’t live up to these smart people.

Anyway, I love that idea that you were listening to something and found yourself in leadership. 

(10:50) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Yes. It was amazing. I loved it. For me, high school is hard. High school is hard for almost every single person. You’re teased, you’re bullied, you’re made fun of. All the things at various points.

Those are my best memories of high school. That time when I was a drum major and my husband and my kids tease me and made fun of me. I just laugh along now because I don’t care. I embrace it. It was part of my journey and who I am. I loved it so much. 

(11:24) Doreen Downing: I love getting to know you. I love these little snapshots and details. Hearing a thread, that to me, Pascale, already, it’s like in my heart, feels like I’m feeling it too—this thread of goodness. Somehow you were gifted with pure goodness. I feel it. I’m touched already by this. 

(11:51) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: I received that and it just made me go quiet there for a moment. It truly made me catch my breath for you to say that, so I appreciate that. I think we all strive to be the best people we can be, whatever that looks like, and really, the 98 percent of it is all about self-validation, but that 2 percent of the time, when someone else can validate you and sincerely validate you, it truly can just make you catch your breath. So, thank you for that. I truly appreciate it. 

(12:28) Doreen Downing: A moment. 

(12:30) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: A moment. 

(12:31) Doreen Downing: Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, the reason why I also relate to what you just said is, they say love yourself first and then you’ll find love. Well, I held love off forever and didn’t let anybody get too close to me and without going into my story in detail, but the man that finally I’m married to, I feel like I’m loved every single moment of every single day.

I have to tell you; it does make a difference. It helps me be more loving. It’s more than just loving yourself. It’s like, boy, when you get it, and when it’s even more than 2 percent, and you breathe it in. I so appreciate you breathing in my reflection of your inner brilliance and your jewel inside. Thank you. 

(13:22) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: You’re so beautiful. I resonate so deeply with what you’re saying. I didn’t wait until later in life to get married, but I will say that my husband truly, when I met him, I was not a meditator. I was not particularly spiritual. I was religious, I would say. But when I met him, he was a meditator.

So, it opened up this whole other part of me that I think was waiting almost for permission to open up. Because I remember after my grandmother passed away, I was probably about 12 years old. She came to me one night and sat on the foot of my bed—her spirit—and spoke to me and we had a conversation.

I wish I could remember. I wish I knew then to write down what we talked about because I can’t remember it at all. When I met my husband and he started to introduce me to meditation and this bigger conversation around empathy and what that really means, it just opened up a space for all of that to shine through and start to grow within me. 

So, that gave me permission to explore even that part of myself and use my voice in a very different way for souls who can’t necessarily use their physical voice anymore. 

I know I didn’t intend to talk about this today, but it just came up organically that our relationships, especially our romantic relationships, if we’re blessed enough, can help us become, can’t they? 

(15:12) Doreen Downing: Oh, yes. Oh boy. You and I are just vibrating on the same wavelength right now. It’s really so wonderful to listen to you about this, the more that you’re talking about when it comes to voice. Because traditionally you think you got to speak up in situations or on the stage, but you’re talking about a voice that comes from within.

Not just your words, but your presence, your essence. That’s what we’re talking about, at least that’s what I strive, to help people have that sense of real truth vibrating through their whole body so that the voice then carries not just the words, but the feeling and the sensation of the communication.

(15:59) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: That’s so beautifully said because it becomes a very different conversation when you’re not only hearing the sound, but you’re also leaning in and tuning into the energy. The feeling that’s coming with the words—it’s what allows you to feel the chills all over. It’s what allows you to feel yourself warm up from the inside out. I just want to add that using your voice gives someone else permission to use theirs. 

(16:41) Doreen Downing: Yes. I am so in love already and I do need to take a break and I’m so excited about coming back because I know you’re going to be talking about a launch that’s coming up—a program that you offer and I want people to hang out for just a few minutes more while we take a break.

Hi, we’re back with Pascale Cook Fernandes, a wonderful example of the voice that comes from an inner depth that radiates and brings not only words and nuggets of information and profound transformation to us, but also the quality that I look for and feel. It’s the whole Maya Angelou thing, where she says, you leave people with a feeling as opposed to just the words.

And so far today, if you haven’t heard, if you’re just tuning in now, please go back to the beginning because Pascale and I have had a profound transformational moment together already. So here we are back. Thank you. 

Well, you took a journey, some snapshots of your journey to where you are now. 

(18:01) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Yes, beautiful. One of the things that I generally point to is that I used to be a teacher and I remember when I was going to college, one of the things that we were told in the classroom setting was when the children, when the students are becoming too loud, you don’t yell so they can hear you, you whisper so they listen.

So, I raised my children with that in mind. I tried not to yell. I tried to get softer, so they would lean in and so they would listen. I think that there’s this misnomer that using our voice means standing up and shouting and that’s not always necessarily the case. Doreen, your voice is beautiful and you’re soft-spoken but you’re so confident in what you’re saying, and that shines over any volume that could ever be there. That is one tidbit that I took from college and I carried through teaching, owning my own business, being a mother—get quiet so people lean in and listen. 

(19:16) Doreen Downing: What a beautiful message. I’ve never heard it actually in all my years. I love it. 

(19:23) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: I love that. In my business, what I do is I support women entrepreneurs to use their life’s PhD to build a thriving and impactful business. Part of that is doing exactly what you just asked me to do here today—to look back. 

What life lessons did I learn along the way? How are those impacting me now?

Then I support those entrepreneurs to bring that into their business, so their business is truly and authentically them. 

(20:01) Doreen Downing: The integration of self and life and making it something—you’ve said it, so I don’t need to say it back, but I’m just trying to get it—the whole idea of authentic business. 

We’re in the middle of our businesses. We’re in our element. What you’re doing is helping people be fully in all of who they are in their business and have the business be an expression of that. I think I just got it. 

(20:36) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: You 100 percent got it. Absolutely. I just want to add that everyone talks about work-life balance. For me, that pits work and life against each other, so I like to say work-life integration, because when you can build your business in such a way that it truly supports the life that you’re building and the life that you want to build, you don’t need work-life balance. Your work, your business life, and your personal life just become one.

(21:09) Doreen Downing: I love that phrase too. I just heard somebody say, “Harmony.” What you’re talking about is that all elements of our life, like music, it’s harmonious. I think I understand that too. 

Well, tell us about what’s coming up—the launch and anything specifically for us to know so that those of us who have stayed, or those of you, my listeners, who have stayed and are still here with us and want to get closer to Pascale and learn more from her. What’s up next? 

(21:45) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Thank you for asking. As a mom—I don’t specifically market to only moms, I market to women entrepreneurs, but I do have an event coming up in June and it is called Mompreneur Mastery. It’s a three—day event, 60 minutes each day. 

Each day, what we’re going to do is jumpstart your journey to success by mastering the mompreneur mindset. Doing exactly what we just talked about—that blending of work and life. 

On day two, we’re going to dive into practical strategies for balancing motherhood and business and then on day three, we’re going to explore more advanced strategies for scaling your mompreneur business while maintaining that harmony that we just discussed. It is happening on June 18th, 19th and 20th. They can find out more, whoever is interested, can find out more by visiting my website 

(22:49) Doreen Downing: And your website will be in the show notes, but if people are listening, let’s give it to them now. 

(22:54) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: Absolutely. It’s womenfindingclarity.com. And whilst you’re there learning more information, I also have a free gift on my homepage that you’re welcome to download. It’s called, The Seven Chakras of Feminine Business. 

(23:12) Doreen Downing: Wow. I want to do a whole another episode—chakras—to talk about Reiki or chakras this time around, but I think there’s more for us in the future. I think people are going to say, “Doreen, we want her back.” 

(23:28) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: I would love that and I would be honored. I know that you’re going to be on my podcast and I just can’t wait. 

(23:36) Doreen Downing: Yes. I’m glad we get to play together again. Thank you, Pascale, for showing up and shining your light and giving us such heartful, deep inspiration today. Thank you. 

(23:49) Pascale Cook-Fernandes: I just want to say one more quick appreciation for being here and for anyone who’s listening.

I just want to reconfirm, Doreen, that you’re such a beautiful light in the world. Your spirit, truly. I’m picturing a horse that’s galloping across a beautiful pasture, but you’re just such a grounded yet free spirit, and that’s what I see in you. I truly appreciate you holding the space for me here today.

(24:21) Doreen Downing: Absolutely. Thank you so much.