#17 Our Mindset Toward the Roles we Play

Today's Guest: Lorraine LaPointe

Today, I interview, Lorraine LaPointe who talks about the way that our mindset shapes our reactions and views of the world.

She is able to share the story of an experience she had as a child, and the impact it had on her in feeling that she could not express herself.

Now, talking regularly on her own shows, she has clearly overcome this fear. She says, “there is a deep desire in all of us to be recognized for who we are, and to share our message and our gifts with others.”

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As a Mindset Fitness Coach & Therapist, Lorraine invites compassionate, service-minded women to discover practical, anytime, anywhere tools that tame and transform toxic self-talk. Better inner balance leads to greater productivity and performance, so they express their message and enjoy time for deeper connections with others in the second-part of life.

Watch the episode:

Connect with Lorraine LaPointe

Transcript of Interview

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast

Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing

Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

 

Episode #17 Lorraine LaPointe

 

“Our Mindset Toward the Roles We Play”

 

(00:39) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Hi, this is Dr. Doreen Downing and I’m here today on my Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast. And what we do here is to invite guests to share their journeys of finding their voice. Perhaps at some point in their life, they came to realize that they had a problem speaking up whether it was around showing up at a meeting or showing up for their business or just showing up at the dinner table. Actually, you know about being your full self anywhere, anytime. And today I get to interview a lovely woman, Lorraine LaPointe. Is that how you say your last name?

 

(01:24) Lorraine La Pointe:

Yeah, I usually say LaPointe just because I’m British. I don’t know how to say it the French Way.

 

(01:32) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Oh, well. Nice. And I’m going to introduce her first. And then we get to have this conversation unfolding as it unfolds. As a mindset fitness coach and therapist Lorraine invites compassionate, service-minded women to discover practical, anytime, anywhere tools that tame and transform, toxic self-talk. Because better inner balance leads to greater productivity and performance. So, they express their message and enjoy time for deeper connections with others in the second part of life. Oh Lorraine, it’s– opening up to a conversation with you feels like we are on an adventure today to explore what this idea of voice is. And I’d like to, if there’s something else you’d like to say about your introducing yourself, go ahead. If not, then let’s dive into this topic of how you discovered that you didn’t have a voice, and any kind of early recognition about how that happened for you in your life.

 

(02:46) Lorraine LaPointe:

Well, thanks, Doreen, it’s so wonderful to be here. And, you know, most women understand that mindset is the framework for how we relate to the world. And our mindset informs us about our voice and the voice that we choose to be heard in the world. You know, and the women that I work with many of them, you know, thought it would be different by now, you know, they’re entering the second part of their life, the second phase of their life, and they thought they’d have the answers. And they thought that they would be able to express themselves in, in ways that would bring their messages into the world. And, and I was very much that way. One of the things that I’d love to do is a past life explorations. And so can I offer your listeners a story about that?

 

(03:42) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Yes, let’s open up the this topic, the past life, that you are able to have this kind of view into it seems like, and I think that that’s a gift that we all have. But we’re so busy living our lives that we think we have. So yes, please share.

 

(04:05) Lorraine LaPointe:

Well, quite often we’re mired in the here and now. I was a principal, previously a principal and one of the things that I needed to do is address large groups. And every time I tried to address a large group, I’d get this feeling in my throat like I was blocked, like, I could speak but I didn’t have any power in my voice. And so being a hypnotherapist, one of the things that I can do for myself and others is, is figure out where these strange like aches and pains come from because the doctor said there was nothing there. So, I did some work on myself and I flipped back into a life when I was about 12 and I lived outside a double walled city and now I know it was [inaudible] France because I’ve done the research, but then I didn’t have a name for it. And my job was to go out and help the farmers keep their pigs and things around their carts so that you know, I called myself a pig whacker. I don’t know why. But one morning, I got up as a 12-year-old, I went out to get some water. And a man spoke to me very harshly. And I wanted to respond. But I was fearful to respond. And as I looked up, there was a sound above me, I looked up and this massive boulder came down and crushed me and I died, but it crushed my chest. And my last thought was, if only I could have expressed myself, maybe I would, this wouldn’t have happened. So, I carried that that concept of not being able to express myself and the fear of not expressing myself into this, this life. And that was the pain. Now what was interesting is once I had realized that I could release it, and then as a principal, I didn’t have so much difficulty talking to a whole group of people. And as an introvert, what’s really interesting is now I have my own radio and talk for TV show. So, I don’t have difficulty talking to people now, which is awesome, but…

 

(06:20) Dr. Doreen Downing:

It is awesome. Oh, but before I go further into hearing more about the TV and talk show, this idea of first encountering whether it was in a past life, but it sounds like it also applies to people, young, young children trying to speak up to some kind of whatever it was for you in that past life experience, there was fear just in speaking up, it feels like.

 

(06:50) Lorraine LaPointe:

yeah, there’s a deep desire in, I think, in all of us to be recognized for who we are. And to share our message and our gifts with others, we all have them. And many of us, however, when we’re very young, we get given roles. So, my role was playing good girl, my sister’s role with playing rebel, uh, you know, we’re all given whatever role it is that you’re given as a child within the family. And, and we’re silenced. And we’re controlled. And we feel like we need to win the acceptance and the approval of those who take care of us. And so as little girls, quite often we’re taught to be quiet, you know, a little girl– I was taught little girls should be seen and not heard. We’re taught to self-sacrifice, in order to survive. And so, we get into that, that those roles, we play those roles very well, and they serve us as children. Unfortunately, they don’t serve us as adults. It’s almost like a sense of self-denial is like a form of betrayal of self-betrayal. You know, and, and we lose our voice. Or we don’t feel that we can speak our truth, for fear of what will happen.

 

(08:15) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Yes, and that fear is, to me feels like then the rock comes down, and we crush, you know, metaphorically, that’s, I think, an example about what it feels like to bury that voice inside of ourselves. And in a way home, in a way it is like a death.

 

(08:39) Lorraine LaPointe:

Yeah. Yeah. And, and yet, we also have the opportunity in our life, and lots of things show up in our life, to give us the opportunity to express who we are, to show who we’re being in that moment, especially when things are challenging. Like, quite often people see challenges as something to resist against, you know, and rather than accepting a challenge as an opportunity and seeing what the opportunity is, they see it as the obstacle. And the obstacle, it can rob us of our voice, it can keep us small. You know, we become in the, in the aftermath, after a sense of betrayal, we hobble together this existence that we call functional. You know, it works for us, we’re surviving. We’re not even aware that we’re nowhere near phenomenal that, that there’s so much more to us, and that we have an opportunity, when we choose to take it, to express ourselves. And sometimes that means that people don’t like what we have to say.

 

(09:53) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Right, right. When you said “phenomenal,” your, your face lit up. It was, it’s like you, I think in your work. And we could move to that in a minute here. But your work is about seeing what’s so phenomenal inside of people. And mirroring that back to them. I mean, I think what we’re talking about early on happens for little girls and boys and whoever’s out there, but we have our expression in our phenomenal self, but it’s not mirrored back to us. And you’re talking about an opportunity, it seems like we need to find as adults, people who will mirror back to us, like good coaches like you that go “yes” to the beauty and the magnificence inside of you. “You just forgot it, or you just buried it, let’s go find it.” And that’s what I’m doing here with the Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast, is to offer listeners, this idea that the voice is inside of you. He/She/They live and want to be expressed. But often they need people like you who will say, “Come on, welcome.”

 

(11:18) Lorraine LaPointe:

Well, and for good reason. I mean, we were trained– when we were young, I mean, our families quite often didn’t, weren’t even aware of why they were training us to be silent. Yeah, to be quiet. But it was, you know, it was to survive in this very patriarchal world that we live in. Our cultures are very patriarchal and hierarchy-based. So, it’s not safe to be fully expressed at all times, when we’re, when we’re out into the world. You know, there’s good reason why we’re trained not to be but what happens is that that training no longer serves us when we’re adults. Because as adults, we hopefully have learned some discernment to, you know, if you’re going to use your voice, there’s a responsibility to use it not just to express yourself, but to express yourself in a way that does no harm to others. And children don’t have that discernment in the same way that adults do. But quite often we get stuck, you know, we get stuck in that functional piece, and forget that there’s so much more to us.

 

(12:33) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Yes, I think what you just alluded to, I think is the discernment that sometimes people think finding your voice means being expressed in any sort of way, anytime without the relational quality that you are in a society and you don’t just go running around shouting and expressing all these parts of yourself, it’s more about doing– I love what you said about, you know, being– the kindness and being in relationship with people in such a way that your voice has power for yourself, but also has meaning for whatever is going on between you and the other person or the people.

 

(13:23) Lorraine LaPointe:

Yeah, one of the most powerful ways– and I’m sure it comes up often on your show– but one of the most powerful ways to use our voice is to set our boundaries with others, to be very clear about what is okay with us and what is not okay. And that doesn’t mean that you have to have power over someone else. It’s merely the recognition of your own internal power, you know, we’re all drawn to those people who seem to have it all together that are calm and confident, and they’re in control. And we’re drawn to those who have peaceful minds, and that aren’t afraid to live in full passion and power and purpose in their lives. And, and I mean, who doesn’t want that? And that’s, that’s what I mean by “phenomenal” is, knowing what your boundaries are, knowing what you’ll let in, knowing what you’ll let out. You know, we choose what we reveal to others, and we choose what we accept from others when we’re healthy. When our, when we have a “positive wellness” mindset. And that’s, that’s what I that’s what I love to help. That’s really my calling. That’s, that’s really what I do. I help people with the tools. There’s some tools that you know, that we, we didn’t learn when we were little, but we can certainly learn them as adults and they don’t take very long, it only takes a couple of minutes a few times a day to make that switch from the toxic, you know those toxic inner voices, “you’re not good enough”, you know, “who do you think you are”, you know, those echoes of, of past trainings. And it doesn’t take a lot to shift that into a mindset that is curious, willing to explore, you know, innovative, creative. And when you, when you have the tools, you can do it by choice. And I think that’s the part that I love. I love empowering people to make that choice to shift their mindset so that they can, they can be at peace, and they can be excited, and they can be expressive, and they can share their gifts with the world as they choose when they establish their boundaries.

 

(15:51) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Well, let’s move into that just a little bit more today, if you could. You said it takes only a couple of minutes per day around shifting mindset. And yes, the toxic self-talk that you just talked about. So, give our listeners a couple of tips or tools, how– what is this shift that you’re talking about?

 

(16:15) Lorraine LaPointe:

Okay, so the easiest one to do… What I want you to do, for your listeners to do right now is think about something in your mind that you can’t do, something you’d like to do. Maybe some fun, but you can’t do.

 

(16:32) Dr. Doreen Downing:

…and can’t because…?

 

(16:34) Lorraine LaPointe:

And can’t because you’re where you are right now, maybe you’re working or you can’t because you don’t have the resources that you need right now or– okay for me, let me give you, let me give an example. Like, okay, so I’d like to go kayaking, but I can’t because I’m not on water. Right now. I can’t because I’m working today, I can’t like just, just what I’m trying to do is elicit that sense of not being able.

 

(17:03) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Okay. I’m doing that as an example right now so I can learn being one of one of your clients! So yes, it’s interesting. Of course, we’re so connected. kayaking is one of mine, because they aren’t making the boat right now because of the whole pandemic and they can’t get parts. So I can’t, so I can’t. I can’t go.

 

(17:23) Lorraine LaPointe:

So just step into that “can’t”-ness, that– it’s the feeling of can’t, have been prevented, have stopped. Whatever, for whatever reason, just get that feeling in body that feeling put that body to recognize where that is in your body. Take a deep breath in. And with eyes open her eyes closed, totally up to you, what I want you to do is concentrate on what you can hear. So be listening for a moment. And I want you to concentrate or listen for the sound that is most distant from you. And I’ll keep talking because dead air is really difficult when you’re on live. But it might be the sound of a fan. It could be the sound of a bird it might be traffic, it might be the call of something outside, or a dog barking, or someone walking by. Just as far, reach your, your hearing as far as you can. When you’ve got that sound, now move your hearing closer into you and find the sound that is closest to where you are right now, closest to your location. And for many of you, that will be the sound of your breath. You might not have heard the sound of your breath for a while but just listen to the sound of your breath as you breathe in… and out. And now I’d like to bring your awareness back to that feeling of “can’t” and see how it feels in your body.

 

(19:03) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Do you feel lighter? Yeah, it’s dissolved because it’s not– I’m not focused on it, it feels like I’m more in the present. And it doesn’t have that wanting, longing.

 

(19:20) Lorraine LaPointe:

Yeah. And now think about kayaking.

 

(19:23) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Uh, I can’t wait.

 

(19:26) Lorraine LaPointe:

Exactly! So, now it’s a joyful thing. It’s like oh, I’m excited. You’ve gone from being “I can’t”, which is a mired, negative, held-down construct, to being a joyful,” oh, I’m excited. I can’t wait.” You might, you might start noticing in your mind, your mind suddenly goes to where you could kayak and when you could kayak and with who you could kayak. And you could have chosen anything and move and that’s the mindset shift. So, it’s a very simple, like just listening brings you back to your body and bring you “presencing” back to this moment only takes 30, or 30 seconds to a minute. And suddenly your mind opens and expands to what’s possible for you.

 

(20:13) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Yeah, this sounds like the “PQ”, the positive quotient of having…

 

(20:22) Lorraine LaPointe:

Positive Intelligence.

 

(20:24) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Positive Intelligence and learning how to use all of your senses to come back to right here right now.

 

(20:30) Lorraine LaPointe:

Yeah. PQ is a combination of IQ? So, it’s not “how smart am I?” It’s “How am I smart?” Because we’re all smart in different ways. So, it’s a combination of using your IQ and something called you EQ, which is awareness of yourself and others, your emotional quota room. And when you put those two things together, you become– it increases your positive intelligence, your PQ.

 

(20:58) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Yeah, that is, I think what we are– this, this idea of being more fully connected with the positive energy, which is what you called “phenomenal” in the beginning. Fabulous, magnificent, I guess is a word I use, in “essence”, is what I call it, “the essence of who we are”. And that’s why I call the work that I do Essential Speaking, because it’s from the essence of who we are. And it’s positive. It’s, it’s a sense of our voice coming from– what you just did within this exercise—it’s bringing ourselves right here into our core of who we are. This is living from this moment, or living in the moment, that is shared with you. And there’s an openness that I feel, and it seems like there’s room for your voice, and there’s room for my voice. And there’s a circle, it feels like an energetic– I’m listening, and I’m speaking with you. We are together. Wow, feels wonderful.

 

(22:06) Lorraine LaPointe:

Thank you. Yeah, and there’s hundreds of these tools. Like there’s lots and lots of them. And, and it’s, it’s re-learning the habits of shifting, making that shift. It’s a neural shift. It’s, I mean, we could get into the science of it, the science of the brain, but there, but you’re really retraining neural pathways.

 

(22:27) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Yes.

 

(22:28) Lorraine LaPointe:

We are so trained to go into the negative, toxic self-talk pathways just because they’re well worn. And those parts of our mind existed when we were very young to protect us. And they did a very good job, thank you very much. But they don’t need to rule us as adults, we can purposely choose to shift our mindset. And when we shift our mindset, we have, we have access to our voice.

 

(22:58) Dr. Doreen Downing:

And isn’t it and what I just realized is that self-talk is a voice. Of course!

 

(23:04) Lorraine LaPointe:

It is, it absolutely it can be. I mean, we all have the right people say to me, “oh, I don’t have those, those voices in my mind,” I have news for you: we all have them. If you’re a human being, you have voices in your mind, you’re not crazy. And it’s the voice in your head. It’s the voice in your mind and, and so many people walk around with negative toxic self-talk. Like I said, the one that that comes up for me all the time is, “who do you think you are?” And that voice is designed to keep me small. It’s designed to create self-doubt. It’s designed to hold me back and make me, you know, doubt myself and so when I use these “PQ reps”, they’re called, or these mindset wellness tools. I shift from that voice of “Who do you think you are?” to “Wow, who are you!” and excitement of doing things that you know that, that appeal to my essence you know that light me up. I mean, it’s, it’s within all of us.

 

(24:18) Dr. Doreen Downing:

People get to go watch the video on my playlist on YouTube channel because as you talk it’s so obvious the difference between the negative and then the positive, what happens to energy and the, the brightness that shows up in you.

 

(24:37) Lorraine LaPointe:

Well, I see it I see it in you as well and, and it’s in all of us. I mean we, we are we are beings of light. Oh, and so many people are mired in the darkness. You know, funk, going through day to day. Well, the last few months has been very difficult and challenging. For so many people, because there’s so much fear that’s been created and, and that fear is primal, that fear is, you know, for survival. And so, people find themselves languishing, they, they want to connect, but they can’t connect. They do things that no longer bring them joy that used to bring them joy, that’s called languishing. And, and that’s a byproduct of all this fear, and mindset wellness helps, helps you shift that languishing.

 

(25:35) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Thank you for sharing one of the processes about how to bring yourself back to having a different kind of mindset that in takes you away from all that negative self-talk, I’d like to give the audience some way to find you because you have many more tools than the one you just shared with us, I’m sure.

 

(26:03)

There are. There are lots and lots of tools, so they can find me on Facebook. My company is Head Heart Synergy and I have the same page on Facebook, they can reach me at LORRAINELAPOINTE.CA which is my website. And, you know, they can reach out by email at SUPPORT@HEADHEARTSYNERGY.COM . So, lots of different ways. And I invite them if I can, with your permission, that if you if you want to connect on Fridays at 10am Eastern I do my talk for TV and radio show called Midlife Awakening at the Edge of Fulfillment. And I have wonderful guests like yourself.

 

(26:54) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Oh good. That would be fun!

 

(26:58) Yeah! I’m looking forward to that and, and they can catch the, the podcast replay if they’re not able to on I Heart Radio or Pandora or Spotify, you know, the usual spots. But the easiest way to access that is just come on over to the Head Heart Synergy fan page at 10am Eastern Time on Fridays. And we broadcast live there or on TV the talk for TV or W4WN radio. So. Everywhere.

 

(27:33) Dr. Doreen Downing:

It feels like! Yeah, there’s avenues, channels. Yes, thank you, Lorraine. And before we leave, just because your heart is so full and rich, can you give us any words of wisdom as we close today?

 

(27:51) Lorraine LaPointe:

The words of wisdom that that that come to mind is that quite often we look outside of ourselves for that fulfillment, that sense of fulfillment, we’re always looking like, like maybe I’ll be happy when I get you know, the next job or, or my boss is pleased or my mother, you know, approves of me or you know, or I buy something. We’re looking for outside acknowledgement of who we are. And that will never satisfy, that will never fulfill. The solution is always to go inside. And you are always with you. So, when you have the tools to go inside and express who you really truly are and to discover who you are. I mean, we’re exciting little creatures who always come up with something new and exciting and different. And when you tap into that, that’s where fulfillment lies.

 

(28:49) Dr. Doreen Downing:

Thank you for sharing your wisdom and the joy. I think it’s infectious. That’s, that’s what I think the energy that is creative. You use the word curious. And I think you are magnificent. Thank you so much Lorraine.

 

(29:10) Lorraine LaPointe:

Thank you. You too, Doreen. I love talking to you. We could go on for hours.

 

(29:16) Dr. Doreen Downing:

We will another time. Thank you.

 

(29:22) Lorraine LaPointe:

Okay, bye for now.

Also listen on…

7 STEP GUIDE TO FEARLESS SPEAKINGPodcast host, Dr. Doreen Downing, helps people find their voice so they can overcome anxiety, be confident, and speak without fear.

Get started now on your journey to your authentic voice by downloading my Free 7 Step Guide to Fearless Speakinghttps://www.doreen7steps.com.

7 STEP GUIDE TO FEARLESS SPEAKINGPodcast host, Dr. Doreen Downing, helps people find their voice so they can overcome anxiety, be confident, and speak without fear.

Get started now on your journey to your authentic voice by downloading my Free 7 Step Guide to Fearless Speakinghttps://www.doreen7steps.com.