#139 The Sound of Your True Voice

Transcript of Interview

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast

Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing

Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

Episode #139 Alison Love David

“The Sound of Your True Voice”

(00:00) Doreen Downing: Hi, this is Dr. Doreen Downing, host of the Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast. I have to tell you that I am totally in love with this woman I’m going to be presenting and highlighting today. It’s amazing how we are attracted to people just on the internet. I have not met Alison before, but my body has little tingles on it because of amazing magnetism when we are drawn to somebody who is truly authentic, truly being themselves, and you just want to go, “Yay!”

That’s what this podcast is about and I’d like to introduce you to Alison Love David. Hi, Alice. I have a bio, but I just wanted to say hi first. 

(00:45) Alison David: Oh, hi, Doreen. It’s so funny that you said that you’re in love with me because I’m in love with you. 

(00:52) Doreen Downing: Well, that’s what magnetism is.

(00:54) Alison David: Yes, and just the way that we’re on the same mission, but also the way you hold that is just beautiful. You have magnetism that makes me want to listen to you. Yes, I’m a fan. It’s wonderful. 

(01:09) Doreen Downing: Well, we get to be in our shared love moment today, my listeners out there get to participate, and learn how to be even more authentic from somebody like you, who is way bold and brilliant out there using her voice.

Alison Love David is a soulful singer, artist, and medicine woman with a magnetic stage presence and 28 years’ experience. Having discovered the healing powers of the voice and worked through her fears of being seen, she is passionate about encouraging other people out of hiding.

Alison coaches people to feel comfortable with their uniqueness. And from that place, find their sense of belonging, communicate from the heart—Oh, I just love this—communicate from the heart and share their gifts with the world. And here we are. So, you see what I’m up to today is sharing this beautiful being because we don’t just all of a sudden become who we are.

It comes from our journey, our travels, our challenges, our traumas, so it’s usually where I like to start the first part of the podcast. It’s to say, hey, Alison, where did you have early life experiences—and it looks like you’re getting your camera all, lighting or something. 

(02:46) Alison David: Yes. I was looking a bit bright and so—I love that you ask this question. I’ve listened to a few of your podcasts. And I guess I did sit on a podcast recently where somebody did that and I didn’t get asked that question. 

So where did I begin? Where did my beginnings happen? Yes, I grew up in South East London.

That’s how we speak.

Yes, I grew up in South East London, so I would have ended up speaking like this, but I became posh. In England, if you’re posh, if you’re like a different class, like middle class, upper class, you can’t tell where somebody comes from. They don’t have a regional accent. And so, I’ve got a bit of a regional accent, but poshy-fied because otherwise I would have talked like that. 

That’s where I started. I was very lucky in that I was quite clever and my mom sent me to a private school. That’s how I got a bit more posh. So, what exactly did you want to know? 

(03:53) Doreen Downing: Well, that was a great beginning because there’s a context. I know it’s an environment, but yes, it’s a community that you’re brought into first. And obviously, your mother must have had a vision of something to add to your life experience other than what you landed in, if she sent you to a private school.

(04:18) Alison David: Yes, I was quite bright when I was at the infant school, which is like up to the age of seven, so they suggested that she send me to a private school. My mom was really sweet. Unfortunately, I don’t think I really understood how generous she was because she went to university and got a degree so that she could pay my school fees.

And so, for the middle school, which is like age seven to 11, she was doing a degree and we came from a poor family, like we didn’t have a TV or an iron or a telephone, we just about got a telephone when I was 11, when I went to this private school. So, she actually got that education, not just for me, but partly so that I could go to a fee-paying school.  That was amazing. 

(05:06) Doreen Downing: Yes, I can see the appreciation and the gratitude you have for that experience. So, what did she get a degree in or what was she studying? 

(05:15) Alison David: Bachelor of Education, to be a teacher. So, she started doing supply teaching. I can’t even imagine and music was her subject, I believe. 

(05:26) Doreen Downing: So, you have some roots in music yourself. 

(05:31) Alison David: I have a musical family, yes. And with music, because I’m a singer by profession, I’ve been properly coaching for a couple of years now, although before that, I’d occasionally coach people but yes, my family were religious and musical.

So, I grew up in a church environment and when you have a musical background, it means that you already have a huge head start in your musicality, things that other people don’t conceive of, you already know. 

(06:02) Doreen Downing: Name one thing that might be something. 

(06:05) Alison David: I had a client and she didn’t even notice when some music was the same, like a verse of a song or something had exactly the same melody as the chorus, or she wouldn’t recognize that, “Oh, that part is exactly the same as that part,” which to me is like so obvious, but she hadn’t conceived. 

That’s just one thing but people don’t even know like high note, low note. They don’t even know things like that necessarily if they haven’t grown up with it, whereas for me, it’s just second knowledge, so one has to take that into account. We don’t all have the head start in certain departments that could be taken for granted if we’ve come from a background where that’s normal.

(06:54) Doreen Downing: I hear that there’s two things that I just realized about what you just said about musicality and getting in tune with it early. There’s a listening, an ear for it. But then you also did this range of high to low and we can—I probably could go high and I could go low. I mean, high and low, but I wouldn’t know really what those—like there’s octaves and there’s all sorts of things. 

But before we go off on talking about music, I want to come back because I know that something happened or some context, some way. I mean, you’re talking about church. You’re talking about a mother who sacrificed for you, also developed herself, but something in the times when we come out in the world and say, “Hey, here I am,” something you might’ve held you back. Mindset? Projection? I don’t know what. Let’s try and pin down first. What was the struggle for you early? 

(07:59) Alison David: I think my mother was quite strict and quite needy and very, very religious and I was not okay to be myself. If the truth—I just had to be a people pleaser to keep her happy.

I had an older brother who was “naughty” and I watched him make “mistakes” and just played it safe, kept her sweet. In that respect, I didn’t allow myself to be myself and I didn’t even know who myself was because of keeping her sweet.

I did be a rebel at school and I was a bit of a wild, rebellious person, rebelled against authority, but at home, this person, your primary caregiver, was struggling. I had to be whatever she needs to keep her happy and as years went on, I learned that I didn’t even know who I was 

I’m busy being anything people wanted me to be and being a comedian or as it became, shapeshifter, is a great skill but it’s very important to know who we are. 

Yes, I think finding my voice has been a journey of understanding what my needs are, not compared to what everybody else wants me to be.

So even at school, I was really good at mathematics and I liked art and they said, “Oh, you should do mathematics,” so I went to university to do that instead of art, and then I dropped out. All my life, my people have said, “Oh, you should do this,” I just did it. Then sort of working out, “Well, hang on, what do I want?”

Interestingly, even with the music, when you were just talking about it, when you’ve got people with authority who know things like the teacher saying you should do mathematics or the musicians who know music and terminology and I don’t, and they go, “Oh, you should do this,” and it’s like, “Okay.”

And it’s so far removed from what I really want. The way I’d know that in my body would be this terrible feeling of despair. I was always really happy and bouncy and then every now and again just feel just terrible feeling of despair because I was completely off path to what really felt right for me. 

(10:17) Doreen Downing: Yes, the knowledge, the self-awareness is what you’re saying is so important, but that need to fit in and this is today, our listeners are probably relating to this because most of us are growing up in societies and cultures and what we get taught is how to fit in.

That’s what status quo is and that’s how society says, “This is what the path is for you. I am so impressed that you look back and say that you were a people pleaser and you really can see now looking back how you—I was going to use a word suffered and the despair, I guess, is the suffering that you’re talking about.

(11:01) Alison David: Yes. So, I would get upset going along with, going along, going along with something is so different from what I really want would be a deep upset. I remember when I had a boyfriend at 17 and the mother of my boyfriend remembered this moment when my bubble burst and it was the day that I realized I had three people who I loved—my mum, my best friend, and my boyfriend at the time—and all three of them misunderstood me. 

So, they’d accuse me of saying things I didn’t say, and I’ve discovered I’m quite a literal person, but I guess they were feeling that I was masking what I really felt. They were using their imagination to imagine what I was really saying.

I was probably passive aggressive, but I didn’t know that two years later. All three of them just didn’t get me. It’s like, how can you say that I said that because I didn’t. And then I had this realization, I was 17, one day, I realized I didn’t ever say, “No.” I didn’t ever say, “Stop it. I don’t like it.” I just didn’t use any negative language. I didn’t perceive negativity.  they had to use their imagination because they knew that there must be something. 

So that point, when the boyfriend’s mom said that my flame went out because I just thought I was lying to myself. I discovered that I didn’t trust myself because I didn’t even know what I was feeling. I didn’t have the language of, “No.” I didn’t have, “I don’t like this,” in my own language, so I was lying to myself. 

I completely fell out of love with myself. I mean, not out of love. I just distrust myself. Slowly, I’ve understood that, but it’s been a long journey. It took a lot of years for me to really go, “Hang on a minute. I can be all right with myself.” That was like decades. 

(12:53) Doreen Downing: Yes, beautiful. It is true that it does take decades. You’re reminding me of a time in my life where I was part of a community, and they were confronting me about something and saying, “Don’t you feel guilty?”

And I went, “I don’t know. What does that feel like?” I mean, they were actually trying to wake me up to say, “What are you really feeling?” I know what that feels like, to not know what you’re feeling. It’s such a disconnection. 

You talked about school and I think for me, school, it was where I got the grades and I knew how to please. I knew how to get the A’s. And for me, that was the front that I had. The image I put out is that I’m a good girl. I’m a smart girl. I’m the homecoming queen. I’m out there. I’m popular. But behind me is this little one who doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing. She’s just making it up. The teachers are saying, “Yay, little one, good for you. Go out there.” 

I remember the turning point for me was being confronted by this group of women who was saying, “Hello, Doreen, what are you really feeling about this situation”, and I didn’t know.

(14:04) Alison David: How old were you then? 

(14:05) Doreen Downing: I’ve finished my college and I was in this group and it was my first job. That’s when I realized school was the container. I’m just realizing that right now, Alison, is that school kept me. I knew what to do in that environment.

Go out into the world—who am I? I am getting my first job and I’m part of a group. If there aren’t teachers telling me that I know what I’m doing and I’m getting the grade, which is the feedback. So, I just got that. Thank you. I really felt what it’s like to be confronted and really not know.

And then wake up to “Well, how do I know?” So yes, it is a journey. It was a journey. I did take my first personal development class way back then—assertiveness training. You talk about “No.” That was my first one. 

(15:05) Alison David: Do you know? I had a client last year who, every morning he tunes into how he’s feeling and I still don’t know how I’m feeling. I know more about who I am and what I want and what I’m passionate about, but how I’m feeling? 

So, I do this meditation in the morning. I listen to—and he says, “Check in with your feelings.” What I’ve learned is that I can’t always name my feeling because my brain wants to assess what I’m feeling as a word but I can make a sound because I’m into the sound, the medicine of your voice. I can make a sound for how I’m feeling, which is even still quite hard because I’m so in my head that to really get it into the body is a different thing. 

So, I’ve just moved and I was looking for a house trying to manifest this amazing house. And somebody was like, “Can you visualize a feeling for the house?” I couldn’t because I’m still learning the language of feeling but I know the sound of my new house and when I do that sound, I can feel the feeling too. The sound is my access to so many things. Now, I can use sound, so I try and do a sound for the morning and then I can like observe the sound.

(16:28) Doreen Downing: Wow. Oh, I have to take a break and we’ll be back in just a minute here, but I am so inspired already. I keep learning from you today, and I’m sure people are learning. I’ve never heard that around the expression of a sense of feeling that comes through sound. So, we’ll come back and talk about that in just a minute.

Hi, we’re back today. It’s my daytime and Alison’s nighttime so it’s night or day wherever everybody else is and Alison is just blowing me over today with so much of not only her authentic energy telling her story and how she was a good girl and how she has learned to find what it feels like through sound rather than just a thought of “Oh, I am feeling something,” and then being able to label it.

It’s a whole new process so that’s what we’re coming back to right now, this new journey to be more vocal. It’s not just about public speaking. It’s about really knowing the truth of who you are and how you find that truth.

(17:52) Alison David: I have a couple of friends. One of them is autistic who thinks that I’m autistic and it could be something to do with that. I don’t need to find the words for my feelings. It just gets in the way. I also have traits with ADHD, so I think this way of using sound to access things, with autism as well, is like they have heightened senses. Using the sound helps me in so many ways. 

I don’t know if this is relevant, but I used to sound like moon cups that women use when they’re menstruating. I had to use sound to let me know whether I put it in right. Then I’m at the health club and they have like a locker with buttons and keys. I use sound to tell me that I’ve locked it right. I use sound with food. If I’ve cooked something in the microwave, I use sound to hear if it’s sizzling.

(19:00) Doreen Downing: If people are signing in right now, please go back to the beginning because we talked about music and how Alison learned very early how to hear tones. That was her early musical background. I just connected the dots there with what you learned early on.

(19:25) Alison David: Yes, well we both work with the voice and the voice is a sound tool, right? So, we’re using the medicine of sound and, and also we have the, the voices in our heads as well that don’t actually, make a sound at an audible sound, but it’s still like we call it the voices in our heads.

For example, I work with myself and my clients and make up these little ditties, these mantras that help to reprogram our brain. It’s called an earworm when a song is playing in your mind. Even though it’s not audible, it’s there. And you and I, we both play with the power of sound.

Power of sound is amazing. Like “In the beginning the word is,” in the old Testament. Three religions use that text. Then in the beginning was the om is I don’t know the exact words, but that’s the Bhagavad Gita. So, that’s Hinduism. Not really sure if it’s with Buddhism, but I know that for Sikh, the first three words are “ek,” “ong,” “ka.”

And the second word, “Ong” is like, “Om.” So, the second word is the sacred sound of the universe. We’re working with such a powerful tool. 

(20:41) Doreen Downing: Oh wow. Yes. I can feel your passion and your excitement and you want to help people, not just make sounds, you want to help them be more alive and to feel that natural life force that comes through. And it’s your voice, we have it with us all day long and probably even in the nighttime, just a sense of being. 

(21:12) Alison David: That reminded me. I heard somewhere in a podcast, which I’ve taken some sort of screenshot of the podcast exactly the minute that somebody said that the hearing is the last thing to go and we die.

(21:25) Doreen Downing: Oh, yes. Well, I want to talk to you again and again. How many podcasts can I have you back on? Because we’re almost through today, so I want to make sure you get to talk about the medicine of voice and you’ve brilliantly pointed to the power of the universal power of sound for us to line up more with our divinity.

How do people find you? What do you have up right now?

(22:05) Alison David: My mission, my words are very similar to yours. Free your true voice. I have freeyourtruevoice.com. There’s not much going on there yet, but it would link you to me and I have Free Your True Voice Facebook group.

 They’re the two ways to find me. And if you want to witness me freeing my true voice, just on Facebook, I’m Alison David vocalist and Alison Love David is my profile. That’s where I write poetry and talk about what’s going on in my world and just to allow myself to express who I am.

(22:51) Doreen Downing: Oh, I want people to point themselves to you right away. And I know I’m a part of your group and what is wonderful is if you join Alison’s group is that she sings to us. You’ll get some transmission just by being in her presence and listening.

I got another “Aha!” from you. This is partly what I teach—the way you listen to yourself and then express yourselves helps us to listen better to ourselves. Just by listening to you. 

(23:33) Alison David: Oh, wow. Isn’t that amazing? 

(23:35) Doreen Downing: Yes. All right, we’re going to have to just leave on that beautiful note of “Aha’s”. Thank you so much, Alison. 

(23:49) Alison David: Thank you for having me.